Don’t You Hate It When This Happens?

I have two scenarios for you. 

Let me set the scene for you for the first one.  You arrive at the grocery store, and either because the planets are aligned in a certain way, or the moon is full, 2,349 people chose the same day and time to go to the grocery store as you did, only they all got there a minute before you did. 

The only parking spaces left are in the Outer Mongolia section.  You know better than to cruise the rows of parking closest to the store, which will only waste gas and time.  And anyway, it won’t kill you to walk a bit, will it ?  Okay, so maybe you make a couple of passes.  But while doing so, you observe that while there are 2,349 cars in the parking lot, there are no people.  Not one person is exiting the store with their groceries even looking like they might vacate a prime parking spot.  Apparently, they all plan to stay inside until closing.  Maybe something inside is so exciting they can’t bear to leave.  Like maybe Elvis is there. 

You give up, and park in Outer Mongolia.  Before exiting the car, you go over your pre-flight checklist.  Snack food.  Check.  Water bottle.  Check.  Sunglasses and umbrella, check.  Sure, the sun may be shining now, but by the time you get to the door, hurricanes will have formed and come onshore. 

As you approach the door, somebody pulls out of the first non-handicapped space closest to the building. 

Scenario Number Two:  Every day you drive the same route between work and home, and somewhere along the way you’re driving on a three-lane road which at some point merges into two lanes.  You know EXACTLY where this is going to happen, and exactly how much time you have to get into a through-lane.  In Tallahassee, if you’re going north, you need to start that gradual movement somewhere around Tampa. 

Now the pavement arrows and signs are carefully devised by traffic engineers to give you the maximum warning for when your lane is going to end.  Traffic engineers are the kinds of people who, in grammar school, got that question right about if a train leaves Boston at 9:00 A.M. going west at 65 mph, and another leaves Denver at 10:00 A.M. going 75 mph, where and when will they meet?  Did anybody EVER understand that problem?  Traffic engineers, you are exempted from answering.  (And by the way, the answer is Moline, Illinois at 2:00 P.M. on Thursday.)

Inevitably, you have to let someone into traffic.  You’re annoyed.  You try to be charitable.  Sure, some of these people are deliberate line-jumpers, who race past you and squeeze a Cadillac Escalade into a space five cars ahead of you that a scooter couldn’t fit into, so that all of you have to screech on the brakes.  But some of them were just lost or got trapped. 

But here’s the issue:  The laws of karma state that some day you will be driving in an unfamiliar area, and you’ll find yourself in a lane that has to merge.  Your lane will have been designed by a Traffic Engineer on drugs, and marked by somebody whose divorce was final that day.  You will have about twelve seconds to grasp the fact that you’ve come to a dead end.  You’ll flip on your turn signal, which is a big hint that you’d like some help, but no one will let you out of your trap. 

The good news is, you will be able to get out.  A light will eventually turn red in Tampa.  But while you’re waiting, better go over that pre-flight checklist.