Fakename Does Basketball

So now we are down to the Elite Eight, and I’m trying to decide who I want to win to get to the Final Four.  More importantly, the issue is predicting who will win it all.  That’s a tough decision, because…I really don’t give a damn.  But I’ll pick anyway, and I’ll use a strategy similar to the one I use when picking the winners of horse races. 

In the case of horse racing, I choose the horse by the name.  For example, one of Fakesister’s former horses was named Non-Stop Cash.  If he had been racing, I would have picked him.  Fakesister and I once attended a real live horse race in New Orleans, and we both used that strategy with great success.  During that event, we were introduced to the concept of the “racing sheet”.  A racing sheet gives you all the stats of each horse:  how many times it’s run, against whom, how many wins and in how much time.

As you can see, there are many parallels here to basketball.   Those in the know make predictions based on a team’s schedule, what conference it’s in, who it played, how many wins and by how much.  And my observation is:  you would do just as well picking a team by its name.  Therefore, if I were picking by name alone, I would pick UConn, because they have the coolest name by far.   However, in the case of basketball, I throw in other criteria:  geography and personal preference. 

For instance, I graduated from the University of Memphis, so they were my favorites.  I grew up in North Carolina, so I guess I could kind of root for UNC.  I lived in Iowa for a couple of years and really liked it;  unfortunately no Iowa teams seem to have been involved since I started paying attention.  Why don’t they allow write-in candidates in sports? 

Little known fact:  Fakename played basketball in junior high.  Thank God there is no video of that.  I really only did it because my mother was a huge basketball fan, and played on the girl’s team in her high school.  She had only three wishes for me:  play basketball, speak French, and play the piano.  I am so fortunate to have been saved from the basketball thing, and it happened through no fault of my own and had nothing to do with my skill or lack of it.  It had to do with the fact that my teammates shot up to 5’10” or so, while I hung around at 5’3″.  Love ya, Fakename, but so long…it’s been good to know ya. 

Now let me spend just a moment talking about men and sports.  Somehow, every man I’ve ever been remotely attracted to is a big sports fan.  Why is that?  I mean, why is it that I’ve never had a relationship with…a poet, for example?  We would probably have a lot more to talk about.  This is one of life’s great mysteries…along with why men are so wigged out about sports in the first place. 

In conclusion, I think you really can’t pick winners in either basketball or horse racing using numbers.  The fastest horse in history may stumble on a clod of dirt in a particular race, and lose.  Go UConn.

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14 responses to “Fakename Does Basketball

  1. I have a theory… Sports fans may actually enjoy the physical aspects of a relationship while the poet is too busy trying to explain it.

  2. Hey! I was pretty good at basketball too. In junior high. We must be related or something. 🙂

  3. “along with why men are so wigged out about sports in the first place. ”

    It’s the law! Except for article 6 sub section 3c which exempts poets.

    My bracket was UConn, Pitt, Louisville, NC.

  4. Oh and Louisville to win unless Lawson gets real hot. Then UNC

  5. ee, I think you may be onto something there. It calls for some scientific research, I believe.
    Personally I’m sticking with UConn, although “Villanova” is kind of a cool name too.

  6. Villanova beat Pitt twice which beat UCONN twice. So you have to like Nova. But Louisville is playing the best ball of them all.

  7. The rules (Section 7, subsection 1A–“Sports Rules for Girls”) do not allow me to root for Louisville, since they have always been Memphis’s biggest rival. However, the fine print may say that there is an exception once Memphis loses.
    Sounds like both you, ee, and ptfan1 think Louisville deserves to win it.

  8. P.S., Fakesister is the sports fan in this family, specifically hockey. The hockey playoffs start on October 1 every year and end on September 30th of the following year. They take a 10 minute break in the middle to play the regular season.

  9. When do they use pucks and sticks? Hockey is like sixty minutes of goons beating the crap out of each other.

  10. That’s an excellent point, ee. I once went to a live hockey game with Fakesister and Mr. Fakesister, which I have to admit was fun. But I spent a lot of time ducking while the puck sailed into the fiberglass screens that were (belatedly) installed to keep the puck from braining the innocent people in the audience. Occasionally the pucks sail over the screen and do it anyway.

  11. I am not wigged out on sports….., except poker, which must be a sport since it is shown on ESPN.

    So what does say about me….? (Don’t answer that!) 😉

  12. Is going to the movies a sport? Lol

  13. Anarchist, not to rain on your parade but ESPN stands for Entertainment & Sports Programming Network.

  14. Rain? It was a deluge…! I thought that “E” was for “extended”…..lol!

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