News From Florida

It dawned on me today that sometime last month I had an anniversary.  I’ve now lived in Florida for ten years.  Like most people in Florida and California, I’m from Somewhere Else.  Being from Somewhere Else gives you the right to tout the good stuff about your state, and disclaim the rest.  As in, Hey I’m not from here!  It’s not my fault!

If states were ranked by the number of crazies in it, Florida would be up there somewhere at least in the top 20, and Dave Barry of the Miami Herald does a good job of reporting on the crazies in Miami.  But, you have to remember that Miami is in “South Florida”, which is technically a different state than “Central Florida” or “North Florida”.  Which is along the same lines of New Orleans being a different state than Louisiana, New York City being a different state than New York, and Chicago being a different state than Illinois. 

Speaking of Illinois, I am voting it in a dead tie with Louisiana for craziest politics.  (New York is a distant third.)  For craziest overall, I still have to go with Wisconsin, where people routinely wear hats that look like wedges of Swiss cheese.  Not to mention they once elected a pro wrestler as governor.  Or was that Minnesota?  I routinely get my Midwestern states confused, except for Iowa where I used to live, briefly.   Don’t even ask me to point out Michigan on a map. 

And now for the news from Florida.  Our Governor, Charlie Crist (Governor Charlie as we all like to call him) announced this week that he is running for the U.S. Senate, even before he finishes his first term as governor.  Governor Charlie is extraordinarily popular, with approval ratings (depending on which poll you look at) somewhere in the 70% range–higher than Obama, in any case.  And this, in spite of not having done anything I can think of.  But he’s very photogenic, and he talks good, as we say here in North Florida. 

Governor Charlie is fond of calling himself The People’s Governor.  He is fond of saying “the people are the boss”.  He calls the Governor’s Mansion “The People’s House”.  (To which one letter writer to the local newspaper said, if he doesn’t stop saying that, I’m showing up one night with my blankie and my pajamas.)

As far as I’m concerned, you can go ahead and start calling him Senator Charlie.  Or as one pundit put it, If he runs, he wins.  Did I mention he’s a Republican?  Kinda, sorta.  The Republicans aren’t fond of him, especially since he appeared onstage with Obama in Fort Myers, and also took the stimulus money–unlike his “principled” colleagues in say, Louisiana and South Carolina.

In other Florida news, today’s newspaper reported that a woman in Melbourne is suing a pet cemetary.  When her squirrel monkey, Mighty, died of cancer in 1994, he was buried in this cemetary and she became so upset by the condition of the grounds that she had his remains moved.  Now she is suing the owner of the pet cemetary for the cost of the original burial and the cost of moving Mighty’s remains to the tune of $500.  The cemetary owner says she was unreasonable, expecting him to clean up immediately after several hurricanes in 2004 and expecting him to mow the grass weekly. 

Well, you know, it’s very hard to commune with the spirit of your dead monkey when you have to wade through knee-high grass which might be full of snakes, chiggers, mosquitos, and poisonous toads.  This is Florida.  And did I mention?  I’m not from here.

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14 responses to “News From Florida

  1. LifeTheWayItIs

    Everyone from Florida is from somewhere else. I wish I were still somewhere else.

    PS is there a way to subscribe to your blog.I’m enjoying. I am new to wordpress and have no idea how to find my way around.Wordpress is almost as bad a Fl.
    It’s

  2. Life, you are asking the wrong person lol. (See “Fakename Goes Digital”, Parts 1 and 2.) But if you roll over the arrow on Blog Info in the top right corner, there is a choice which says “Subscribe to blog”.
    And ee, pretty funny!

  3. Having lived here for 39 years, and in no other state, I guess I qualify for “semi-native.” But I’m not “from” here either.

  4. You certainly are not from here lol! So you fit the profile. Let’s see…I was born in Tennessee, and as a child moved briefly to Virginia, then North Carolina, where I lived for several years and graduated from high school. Then I moved back to Tennessee and stayed there for umpty-jillion years.
    Then, since 1992: Louisiana, Iowa, Virginia, and Florida. And 3 different cities in Florida!

  5. You know there are a few of us here that are actually native……….and guess what? Like the hispanics who laugh at gringos in spanish we laugh at you in cracker. Often we don’t take kindly to the yankees who come in and screw things up more than we do ourselves and then go somewhere else. Particularly, we are not fun of those who come and complain. We feel like we already know how to screw things up without guidance or bitching.

    Yankee=anyone north of South Carolina, west of the Missippi and all “furnurs.”

    Jessee Ventura was Gov of Minnesota (an extraordinarily strange state).

  6. I refuse to be lumped in with Yankees just because I lived for two years in Iowa. And North Carolina and Tennesssee don’t count either. I refer you to the Mason-Dixon Line.

  7. You can not refuse the line fn………not your choice……it is ours

    anarchist……et all we know who we are………lol we don’t need help tyvm in understanding ourselves……….perhaps all you yankees just don’t care for the “natives”……n its ok…we were born here and will die here…….despite the “Intruders in the Dust”

  8. LifeTheWayItIs

    PT, No one is native in Fl except for the crocs.Y’all came from someplace else. Even you. Yankees, Mets, who cares. We are stuck in this vapid dusty(your words)wasteland. Polly want a cracker,,,,,,errrr scuse me……Saltine?

  9. lol…Life, you must be in the State we call “South Florida” 🙂 Tallahassee and its environs are lush and green and lovely and are by no means a vapid, dusty wasteland. But I’ve lived in Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach too…

  10. LifeTheWayItIs

    Fake, Yes, I now must be in the State you call “South Florida’ I have also lived and traveled throughout Florida and parts of the South. With all due respect, all of Florida is a vapid, dusty wasteland, and little presence of culture or refinement. Then again, I am a New Yorker. Always will be, and there is no other places like NYC in the world. You have the city and upstate and they too are two different worlds. I am also heavily involved in the political arena, and although I live down here now. NY politics is my beat. It’s also the beat of my heart.

    So, go Yankees.

  11. I feel for you, Life…it’s pretty terrible to live in a place where you’re unhappy. When I lived in Iowa for two years–my only experience of living outside the South–I worked with great people, met a lot of other great people, it is a surprisingly beautiful place, and very progressive politically–but I was very lonely and never felt “at home”. I’ve never been to NYC! (Not counting the airports.)

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