The Business of Death

For some reason I haven’t been able to win any converts over to a guy named Davis W.  whom I’ve listed on my blogroll.  I don’t get it….I really don’t get why this guy hasn’t been nationally syndicated.  He’s funnier than Dave Barry, which is high praise coming from me. 

One of the things he routinely does, besides fake news reports, is website reviews.  The most recent of which is www.mortuary.com.  I was in stitches.  Seriously, you will have to read for yourself, because I can’t do him justice, but just one quote:  Speaking of one CEO’s message regarding a “growing customer base”, Davis says, In other words, they look forward to a day when everybody is dead.  See it here:  Davis W.

However, I was inspired to do my own search about cremation containers.  There is just something bizarre about keeping ashes, the ultimate biodegradable entity, in permanent receptacles.  Don’t even get me started on the necklaces you can wear that hold small amounts of the ashes of your beloved relative/friend/pet. 

So for all you need to know, go to www.memorials.com.  There you will find “Discount Urns”, starting at $27.95.  I guess those are for people or pets you liked, but not too much.  I mean, assuming that you are dead and won’t care, but how would you feel if you only rated a Discount Urn? 

Some of the best are the “Sports Urns” (starting at $197.95).  Your ashes can be kept in a ceramic replica of a golf bag.  Nothing says “I love you” like that. 

However, my favorite is “Biodegradable Urns” (starting at $97.95).  As previously mentioned, ashes are already about as biodegradable as you can get.  Why not just bury them in the back yard and skip the $97.95?

I actually get the part about keeping the ashes, at least for a time.  It just gives you a little longer to say goodbye.  But like…a Ziploc bag works just fine.  That could be a new marketing strategy for them, what with that growing customer base.

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2 responses to “The Business of Death

  1. How do you know you’ve not won any “converts” to him? Because no one’s said anything about him?

    I have to admit that I didn’t realize you had added him. You need some PR when you add folks; I did that when I added Terri Terri, by putting a P.S. to one of my posts after I added her.

    As for urns, etc, I guess there’s some sort of urge in many folks to be able to have “physical” contact with the dead. My father was cremated, but his ashes are in an urn at Arlington Cemetery, which has a special area for that.

    Now I will go check out Davis…

  2. Good point….I should have given him more advertising 🙂 For sure Terri Terri was a good choice.
    That is pretty special about your father and Arlington Cemetery…I never knew that. My father was cremated as well and his ashes were mailed to my cousin Jerry. In a cardboard box. If there was an urn inside the cardboard box, I never saw it. His ashes (cardboard box and all) were “buried” at sea, 6 miles off the coast of Charleston, South Carolina–off the deck of a U.S. Navy minesweeper. I’ve written about this in the past.
    My personal wishes are also to be cremated, because I don’t think dead people need to be taking up Earth’s real estate.

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