It’s been a while since I shared any grocery voyeurism. To refresh your memory, this is a game wherein you guess what the person in front of you in the 10 Items or Fewer line plans to do with six cans of tomato sauce, a bunch of celery, and one can of Raid.
This however, is a new variety of grocery voyeurism, actually involving a conversation between the person in line behind me and his son, who appeared to be about 7 years old.
Dad: No you cannot have a Coke.
Dad: Okay, you can have a Sprite.
Son: (is heard to be opening the door of the cooler before Dad changes his mind, but he was too late.)
Dad: You know what, never mind. Get a water. There’s just too much sugar in soft drinks.
Dad: No, get a water. Now go pick out a bag of M&M’s.
I actually did not invent this game. When I lived in Memphis, I knew a writer named John Ryan, who was constantly jotting down things he overheard to use in his books (the most famous of which is The Redneck Bride).
He once told me that his favorite overheard line ever occurred in a grocery store, when the cashier complimented a woman in front of him on how cute her baby was. “Well, thanks”, said the mother, “But do you know this baby is 8 months old and still won’t eat crowder peas?” Now there is grocery voyeurism at its finest.