I’ve been sick for two weeks now with some sort of upper respiratory thing, and it seems like it is never-ending. I get better for a day, then much worse for the next two days. One step forward…
The worst part is that I tend to be morbidly pessimistic about it. I never say to myself, this is a temporary setback. Everybody gets sick. I say, this is the Beginning of the End. This is what I can expect of my future.
It doesn’t help at all that I just learned this week that a former friend died of unknown causes. She was found dead in the floor of her kitchen. Ack! I need to mop the floor. I simply cannot have someone finding me dead under these conditions. I have a lot of work to do to die.
Mostly I’ve been thinking of friendship, and how hard it is to maintain, and how easily we tend to let it go. Also about how the friendships of our youth seem to be the most intense…maybe because we are neediest then. As we grow up, we become more selective…not selective in the sense that we judge them more carefully, but selective in the sense that we become more closed. It isn’t that we judge them, it’s that we won’t let them judge us.
What with this blog, and with Facebook, I find myself trying to come full circle, and it has been quite marvelous. I’m trying to turn my life into a story, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. If only! There are all sorts of pesky loose ends–like someone you haven’t spoken to in 25 years or so dying on her kitchen floor. Her family said, in lieu of flowers, please make a contribution to the Humane Society of the U.S. As many years as it’s been…it seems we did have kindred spirits.
With Facebook in particular, I’ve been humbled by the number of people from my past who still are speaking to me. I think mostly I’ve been a bad friend. I’ve tried in recent years to be better.
One of the best lyrics in this song is, I’m trying to be a friend a friend would like to have. I am so far from that it’s pathetic…but it is my goal.