Sleeping late is a very hard thing to do around here. First, the dogs wake up and start scratching and chewing on themselves in pursuit of imaginary fleas. It’s the dog equivalent of having a cup of coffee. Once they’re done, they want to go outside and are very insistent about it.
But when the dogs wake up, the cat wakes up (she would be fine with sleeping late herself). But once the cat wakes up, she remembers that she’s hungry and starts biting me. I know. It’s a miracle she’s still alive, since this happens before I personally have had a chance to scratch my imaginary fleas. I mean, have a cup of coffee.
And if that wasn’t enough, there are the birds. Since I live on the very edge of an urban forest, I must have fifty gazillion species of birds here, all singing and chirping and calling and trilling to themselves and each other in the early morning. But I’m like, could you shut the hell UP?
But really, I love my birds, even though they refuse to adhere to my schedule. And they do serve a very useful purpose. They are like my fail-safe alarm clock. If I wake up in the morning and the birds are singing, I know I’m late.
So among the other insects I mentioned, Yard Guy and I discussed mosquitoes yesterday. He said, do they bother you much? I’m like, I guess you haven’t noticed the six empty cans of insect repellent sitting on my picnic table? Yes, they bother me…all day, every day, assuming it’s warm enough for me to be at the picnic table.
He said, they don’t bother me that much in the spring, just in the summer. I said, that’s because you are moving around, mowing. I am at the picnic table reading a book. I’m just food waiting to happen. I might as well put myself on a dinner plate and provide a napkin.
I never, ever go out without insect repellent, but inevitably I forget to spray some exposed area and get nailed. But mostly I am as religious about insect repellent as Fakesister is about sunblock.
Which reminds me of the time that Fakesister and I went to Everglades National Park. We attempted to walk to the water’s edge from our room at the lodge, and also tried to walk a trail, and were driven into hiding by the mosquitoes. It’s quite indescribable. They form great black clouds. No amount of insect repellent will work…there are just too many of them.
Sitting in the screened-in porch dining area of the lodge, you can see millions of them batting against the screens. It’s like being in the middle of a science fiction movie. I said, “It should have told me something when I saw those hats with mosquito veils in the gift shop”.