I am not going gently into that good night. Getting older just pisses me off. So mostly, I just ignore it.I know there is no turning back. That is a foolish fantasy, but I’m having trouble “accepting” what it really means.
Case in point: Exactly a month ago, I sprained my left knee. It still hurts. Once I’m up and either sitting or standing, it starts to swell, and so does my ankle. Lesson One: you don’t heal as well or as fast.
I should go back to the doctor, but what for? It will mean an MRI or CT scan that I can’t afford (even though I have insurance which will pay for most of either.) So then you start to do that weighing thing: on one hand…and on the other hand…So, do I want to do this (no) or do I want to have trouble walking forever (no). Great choice. No versus no.
I don’t want to take any more medications. I take two for high blood pressure already (take the pills, or have a stroke). Okay…that was easy. I take one, once a week, for osteoporosis, and that REALLY pisses me off. Why do I have osteoporosis? For one thing, I am the queen of dairy, not to be confused with the restaurant of the same name. I drink milk with every meal. I eat ice cream and cheese like it was going out of style. But…that’s only since I was 17, when it was probably too late. And I seem to have some problem absorbing Vitamin D, which is critical to your ability to absorb calcium. Plus, I had radiation therapy, which leaches calcium.
So what are you gonna do? Answer: take the drug.
What I would like is the magical nystery pill. Not one that promises to make me younger, but one that makes me happier about getting older. Or smaller or larger.
I was unsuccessful at posting a video of Jefferson Airplane doing White Rabbit. But you probably get the picture anyway.
Unfortunately I can completely identify with everything you have written about. Philosophically I can’t offer a lot of polyannaish wisdom, except perhaps to enjoy each day and each independent freedom that you have. I try to find a reward somewhere each day for the sacrifices of age.
As for your knee, again I am something of an experiential expert on knee problems. It is quite possible you have torn a meniscus, it would not be an acl or you wouldn’t be walking. If you have a meniscus problem it will not heal without scoping. You can get by for years with it if you are lucky but here’s the thing. If you wait until the timing is right you may damage it worse, or in compensating for the occasional pang of pain you may damage something else and lose ambulatory range even further. I have had 2 scopes and am glad I did, but I went for years with the problem before I sucked it up. How long can you wait?
I am not a White Rabbit fan anyway:)
I’m not a White Rabbit fan either! It just sort of illustrated the magical mystery pill issue. I looked up torn meniscus, and dang if it doesn’t sound like exactly the problem. I thought maybe it was a torn or damaged ligament, since that’s supposedly what a sprain involves. But the doctor doesn’t really know; all she did was an X-ray and that only shows bones. I’m going to be in a heap of trouble if I have to have surgery of any kind, because I can’t drive my car (it’s a 5-speed) and I need my left leg to operate the clutch.
You can drive in a few days time after the surgery, it is out patient. just fyi
Oh thanks for that info, pt. I guess for a few days I could take cabs back and forth to work–assuming I can work. I meant to tell you that your attitude is positively uplifting. Knowing what you’ve been through recently, I feel guilty about whining.
Happy to offer what I have learned. I just remembered that I actually had my first one done in Tallahassee.
They did it right at the Center. When I woke up I was in love with everything in a skirt:)
Tried to post this earlier. I remember now having a scope in Tally. The clinic was first rate.
Sorry pt…those last 2 comments for some reason got stuck in Spam, and it took me a while to notice.