Fakesister, the Saint

She might dispute the title of Saint Fakesister, but shouldn’t.  When we parted on Saturday, I told her there were not enough words to thank her.  She told me just to get well…and there was one more thing I was supposed to do, but I forgot what it is already!

So maybe now I can come up with a few words, which will have a limited (but world-wide) audience.

I called her from St. George Island, and said, You know all those previous times you offered to come down and help me?  Well, this time, I really need you.  At first I thought I would have to go to Atlanta, but she said no, she would come here.  She lined up a hotel room at the Hilton Garden Inn, and my friend Brenda and I were to meet her there around 1:00 P.M. on New Year’s Day. (Happy New Year to us, right?)

When Brenda and I pulled into the parking lot of the Hilton, we were behind an SUV which was towing a trailer.  Brenda said, “Could that be your sister?  Because I think that thing on the trailer (shrouded in a tarp) is a wheelchair.”

It was my sister, and it was a motorized wheelchair.  By a strange coincidence…and hold on here, it’s about to get messy…my sister’s husband’s sister’s husband’s mother had had it.  Told you that was messy.  The mother had passed away a couple of years ago, and the chair had sat unused in their garage or something.  So the chair has its own story

When they turned it on, it wouldn’t work, because the battery was dead, so Fakesister’s mechanically inclined husband, along with, I presume, his brother-in-law rigged it up to two lawnmower batteries, and it worked.

Fakesister also brought me a walker and a cane.  She let me stay with her in her hotel room for four days, and fed me.  She took my dog Pippin to my vet to board, after the poor little beast had to spend the night in her Dodge Durango.  It was New Year’s Day–no place was open, except the Animal Emergency Clinic, and they wouldn’t take him.  They said they might have made an exception–normally they don’t do “boarding”–but they didn’t have the kennel space.  Holidays are terrible for both animals and people–we eat things we shouldn’t and get sick, or we injure ourselves doing wilder and crazier things than usual in strange environments.

Then my sister took me to the orthopedic clinic, where she watched the process of my cast application with great interest, and offered moral support when I picked “glow in the dark” as my choice of cast color.  It was the only white color they had. Black was too gloomy.  All the others were colors I was pretty sure I would get sick of after only a week, much less six, which is how long I have to keep the cast on.  A little boy two tables down from me got a purple one on his arm.  I noticed he was wearing a purple T-shirt, which I guessed is one of his school colors.  How cute is that?

Then, my sister rented me a car–for six weeks.  She and her husband almost bought a car for me–which I would of course have returned when I no longer needed it–but the logistics of that were too overwhelming.  The doctor said I could drive, but not my own car which has a manual transmission.  It’s my left leg that’s broken, and I can’t operate a clutch.  When I bought this car in 2009, Fakesister said…get an automatic.  I hereby apologize for not following that advice–but the manual was $2000 cheaper.

When she got home, her husband had a giant vase of roses for her.  Now that is truly fabulous.

If all these things don’t qualify her for sainthood, then I don’t know the meaning of the word.  So, Fakesister, thank you.

13 responses to “Fakesister, the Saint

  1. Now THAT’s a sister.

  2. I think the 2nd thing is “take care of that car”! 🙂

  3. Oh yeah, Fakesister, I think you’re right! I haven’t driven it since the day I drove it home from the hotel. I keep thinking I should get out and drive it so as not to waste one of my six weeks!

  4. Less is more! Besides, you still have to buy it gas. And remember to start the Toy car at least once a week and let it run a bit.

  5. Oh thank you for reminding me of that! I’ll do that tomorrow when I plan to step foot out of the house for the first time. I won’t have to buy the Aveo much gas. Because I won’t be driving it far for one thing, and at least on paper, it gets even better gas mileage than the Toy.

  6. Vanessa, thanks for “catching up”! For some reason, I had to “approve” all your recent comments. Perhaps you are using a different email address?

    • Recently I changed my ‘display name’ on my Gravatar from Vanessa Chapman to Vanessa-Jane Chapman, just to bring it in line with the name I use for my writing and acting things, and for some reason it then made my comments need moderation when I started commenting after that as if I was a new person. My username and email address and everything else were the same, you wouldn’t think the display name would make a difference would you! I guess it’s some kind of spam protection or something like that.

  7. When is the canonization?

  8. Lol, sc, any day now 🙂 But it will have to be a secular canonization since neither of us are religious. Any ideas?

  9. BTW, Fakesister, during my recheck last Wednesday, one of the two people who had the treatment table next to me also had a “toe warmer”. She wasn’t in a cast though, but was wrapped to the knee in some sort of very sturdy wrap–not an Ace bandage. I wanted to ask her where she got the toe warmer, because of course I started up a conversation with her as I am prone to do with complete strangers:). But somehow, I thought that might be too personal a question. She had broken her ankle while trying to walk up a ramp to a boat. She got away with only a prescription for a “boot”. The guy before her also had a broken ankle (I’m beginning to see that this might not be as uncommon as I thought). When the doctor asked him how it happened, he said he jumped off something that was too high, and was quite unwilling to share more details than that. He was 36 years old and clearly embarassed that he had done something juvenile. The doctor asked him (which surprised me) if alcohol was involved. The guy said No, that he didn’t even have that excuse lol. Naturally I had a conversation with him too, and his mother who was with him. She was a big fan of TOC because her dog once knocked her down (been there, done that!) and broke her collarbone and something else too–maybe her hand or wrist. And it wasn’t even that big of a dog.

  10. Also, when I saw the doctor (as opposed to the PA) and told him I had fallen down only one step, he said “We get that a lot.” Weird.

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