A Day in the Life Of Fakename

This day would be Friday, April 25th, 2014. Nothing special about this day, other than I happened to inhabit it.
First, I made my first ever trip to Whole Foods, because 1) it was the only grocery store between the hair salon where I got my hair cut and my workplace, and 2) I was having a food emergency, namely, I was starving. Had I not been in such a rush, I could do a whole Grocery Voyeurism post on the customers of this establishment, and I may have to go back, just in order to do a more detailed job of reporting. At a glance, I can say that the customers were of the Birkenstock-wearing, cloth bag-carrying variety. It isn’t nice to make fun of people, but some people just lend themselves too well to stereotyping, so I can’t help myself.
I also made a flying trip to the library on this day, since besides having a food emergency, I had a book emergency (didn’t have one). When I arrived, there was a guy standing at the ground level elevator. This elevator only goes up one level, and is there mostly to accommodate the handicapped. Because our library has delusions of grandeur and thinks it’s the U.S. Supreme Court. There are a gazillion steps leading to the entrance, which I think are supposed to remind you of the power and majesty within. So I take the elevator too.
About the time I arrived at the elevator, the guy standing there started to walk away. I said, “Isn’t it working?” And he replied, “I don’t know, I don’t know how to operate it”. This was like an immediate stab to the heart for me. I said, “Here, you only have to push this button”. Inside the elevator, he told me I’d come along at just the right time, and didn’t it look like it was going to rain? And lest you think badly of this guy, I realized later this was not one simple push button. It was an entire panel with another button to call for assistance, and another area for firefighter operation which you usually only see inside an elevator. And the button to actually call the elevator was not labeled.
I seem to have some sort of karma involving the library elevators. Once I was there and a woman got trapped and was screaming hysterically. Once she was freed, my flying trip was delayed by about 20 minutes while I sat at a table with her and pretty much cooed and talked nonsense, and said things like “You’re going to be okay”. I knew she was okay when she pulled out her cell phone and asked someone to come and get her. Good idea. No way was she driving.
At the end of my day, I had a truck towed from a parking space, because it was blocking the car next to it. In case you too ever manage parking, when you have a vehicle towed, the customer does not call you up and say, “Thank you so much for towing my vehicle. I now see that I behaved badly and I’ve learned my lesson.” Especially not at 4:00 P.M. on a Friday afternoon.
After making a couple of other feeble excuses, the guy finally said that he was there first. This made it a physics problem. I asked if he could explain to me how the customer he blocked managed to wedge herself in beside him so as to block herself?
Then I came home, read my book at the picnic table, drank some wine, played with the dog and the kitten, and watched the birds. The End.


4 responses to “A Day in the Life Of Fakename

  1. Enquiring minds want to know: what did you buy at Whole Foods? They have some interesting sausages which are a good buy when on sale, such as Chorizo sausage.

  2. 2/3 of a pound of red seedless grapes from Chile, at $2.99/pound, and a box of spinach and roasted garlic crackers for $3.09. The crackers claimed to have sea salt, but did not have enough salt. I munched on grapes though, all the way to downtown.

  3. I have yet to go into a Whole Foods, I will have to check it out as I will Trader Joes just opened in South Tampa. I have dropped a few shekels in Fresh Market over the years when I was entertaining for the holidays and while they still cut a good veal chop, which I can no longer find anywhere in Tampa.

    BTW I would die without my Birkys. But I refuse to carry a cloth bag or wear fashion sunglass straps and pink Polo’s. It’s why I am no longer welcome in South Tampa, the home of the Goober Smoochers. I shall have to wear a disguise at Trader Joes.


  4. Goober Smoochers? I had to look that up. You will be fine at Trader Joe’s. I think you’ll fit right in, even without the cloth bag and the pink Polo shirt. My quickie observation is that most of the people in Whole Foods and New Leaf Market (which is strictly organic) here are older, i.e., my age. The same reason only older people have Corvettes…the only people who can afford them.

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