Whatever You Do, Don’t Eat Eggs

Or carrots. Eggs will kill you with cholesterol. One minute you’ll be having breakfast with eggs and toast, and plumpf!, you will keel over dead. Especially if you had butter on the toast and bacon on the side.
Carrots will kill with you an excess of carotene and Vitamin A, which we all know is dangerous. Just to be safe, don’t eat anything orange. I do have one question. Is there anybody on the planet who could eat enough carrots to kill themselves?
This started innocently as a post I shared on Facebook about butter. Butter, it said, is good for you. That’s good to hear, since it was bad for you, I would have gone plumpf! long ago.
Margarine is the worst hoax ever perpetrated on mankind It was okay in the beginning when the marketers said, Look. This tastes kind of like butter and it’s cheaper. But somehow they morphed it into, Not only is it cheaper than butter, it’s healthier for you. Which is 100% wrong.
Which brings me to “fruit on the bottom” yogurt. I used to love that stuff! Then I saw this news program where they interviewed these chemists who make the syrup that goes on the bottom along with the miniscule pieces of fruit there. The syrup is not made from any scintilla of fruit. It’s chemically composed to mimic the taste of any real fruit.
I love yogurt with fruit, so I figured I would just buy my own plain yogurt and real fruit. The problem is you can no longer buy plain yogurt in small cups. You can buy vanilla, but not plain. Plain yogurt comes in gallon containers (I may be exaggerating a bit) so you can make commercial volume tzatziki sauce or something.
And while I’m on the subject, has anyone ever, ever arranged meals according to the Food Pyramid? You should eat these many grains, fruits, vegetables, proteins, etc. No! This is designed for imaginary people!
Healthy dieting is the same as it’s been for the thousands of years since we discovered vegetables. Eat a balanced diet, eat anything in moderation. Natural foods are best. Neither eggs, carrots, nor red meat killed in the dark of night with a club will kill you. Follow this advice and you will not go plumpf. At least not from eating.